I always advocate on behalf of Winter whenever That Conversation comes up because I feel that you need all four seasons in order to properly appreciate each one. Each season has its own personality. It’s like having a rotation of four different friends sleeping on your couch throughout the year. I mean, I couldn’t tell you with a straight face “oh, but the cold doesn’t bother me! I totally dig my testicles freezing together when I go out to the mailbox!” but on the other hand I don’t think of it as punishment from God, which is the attitude I get a lot from a lot of people. Even New Englanders, who are supposed to be real salt-of-the-earth hardworkin’ folks, complain about the somewhat uncomfortable and slightly inconvenient weather like they are in some kind of competition to demonstrate that they are more miserable than their neighbors. I don’t know where this misery is coming from. I look over to figure out in what way these people are suffering so horrifically and all I see is a bunch of white people in Lands End mentally calculating the number of seconds (to the decimal) how long it will take them to reach the Jeep, running. I use the word running loosely. It is more of an anxious hop-and-skip, slowed by the gratuitous amount of insulation clutched fearfully around their grotesque, water-fat bodies. And don’t even get me started on the kids. Parents dress their young for the outside as if they needed to withstand going through a USPS bulk processing facility, then being shipped cross-country in an open wagon, pulled by mules. Actually, just one mule. A three-legged mule.
But now I am being mean. My point: yes, these months are cold and sometimes it is challenging to drive cars through the icy wet shit but it is not so bad when you get home and you get to share the warmth with people you don’t hate.
Merry Christmas/Happy New Year/Fucking What Ever
(pic related: from summertime. don’t think I posted this one.)
